Category: Gaming


I used to act like a noob

Well, I still do. But nowadays if I happen to be ignorant and oblivious about game mechanics and tactics I’m doing it conciously because, let’s face it, playing like you’re a complete fucktard can be more rewarding than spending hours on the net reading class guides and comparing builds before you actually start the game. The last time I researched a build before playing a game was when I created a battlemage back in Dragon Age Origins. But that’s more of an exception, because my love for battlemages is greater than my lack of love for doing anything that resembles studying when I’m playing a RPG. So don’t hold it against me. Back in the day though, let’s say around 2007, I was one of the (unintentionally) noobiest players on the Bloodhoof server. When I played WoW with my nelf twohander it was in all essence a single player game.

WoW was the first MMORPG I had played and before that I had spent most time on online games like Diablo II (which by the end of 06 mostly consisted of weird guys who opened trades with you just to flash their goods) and Jedi Outcast (now that’s one game I wish I could still be playing), so I wasn’t shocked that it proved to be hard at first. I didn’t however anticipate that I would still be a complete noob after Uldaman. I did some bad choices, I’ll give you that. I chose to be a warrior, which meant I would be without a job as Paladins were better tanks then us at the time. I chose to be a twohander, when I could’ve been a pure tank. I chose to be a Night Elf, when I could’ve been a Tauren or Troll warrior. And last but not least, I rebuilt my character just before they released a patch that made Fury warriors the worst build in the World of Everything. Ever.

But I learned from my mistakes. Sometimes I remember my incapable warrior with warmth and fondness. You know what I’m talking about, right? That simple feeling. Like the summer you spent with the dimwitted countryside cousin when you were both little. You won’t tell anybody that you hanged out with him, but in the end he was a nice friend and hunting frogs by the creek or peeing on electric fences was more fun than you had imagined it would be.

The time I spent levelling this fury nelf warrior Amrothieal taught me some valuable lessons. After reaching level 70 I started an alt, a gnome warlock. And she kicked some serious ass. Both in Gnomerrogon and on PvP battlefields. She had some serious potential and I knew that when I reached the max level I would be able to handle myself in heroic dungeons and on raids. Finally I would get some good loot.

But then I got bored, uninstalled the game and moved on. And I’m still a noob.

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Status update from Skyrim

I bought Skyrim when it was hip and fresh just like you, but then life came between me and this awesome game. I haven’t played it for real since January and I don’t plan to touch it for a good while because it screwed things up pretty royally for me at the university. And I’m still paying for my folly… Still, I used to love this game just like you did, so here’s some screenshots of my character.

Marcus hasn’t been the same since January when I left him in Solitude, overencumbered and with that racist Belrand for company.

Name: Marcus

Race: Imperial

Level: 51

Home: Breezehome. It’s pretty messy and there’s tons of stuff there so I’m probably what you might call a hoarder. But it isn’t my fault that none of the merchants have enough money to buy all my stuff.

Spouse: Lydia. I feel pretty bad about this. Really. I had to use the console to get her to marry Marcus, which isn’t cool. But he still misses her. This college for bards isn’t his style and the people are still crazy obsessed with an execution that took place like forever ago. Plus, the Queen always says inappropriate stuff and tries to touch Marcus where he doesn’t want to be touched. And Belrand is driving him nuts with the smell of his greasy, unwashed hair!

Most used follower: Lydia. One of the reasons I married her was so she would be invincible.

Favorite Weapon: Dawnbreaker. I used to despise the Daedra, but then I realized that they had cooler weapons than the good guys. Plus, there’s no way to join the Vigilants of Stendarr or what they’re called. A troubling thing is that Marcus has been recently walking around in Solitude with a drawn sword, and I think it’s just a matter of time before he snaps and kills every single killable NPC in the town. Starting with Belrand.

Main quest progression: Oh please… After that battle with Alduin I decided to level up to get stronger, but I didn’t count on it to take so ┬álong. So now I’m still trying to decide if I’m going to side with Paarthurnax, the Greybeards or Max von Sydow. As an Imperial I feel I should go with the latter, but it wouldn’t be cool if that meant I had to kill Paarthurnax later in the game…

Bunnies slaughtered: 4.

Behold the weapon I use for breaking dawn!

Skills:

Destruction 99

Restoration 66

Smithing 100

Heavy armor 96

Enchanting 99

One-handed 91

Try spending half a year with a bigoted racist who never washes his hair and you wouldn’t be so happy either.

So Marcus is what you might call a Battlemage. Heavy armor, wicked blade, fiery balls. Cool stuff.

Chance that I will get the DLC: Oh please. I haven’t even finished the main quest yet. And I still need to play the entire expansion for Oblivion. Plus, I haven’t finished Dragon Age 2 (which I started playing when it was released), and I haven’t downloaded that DLC with Felicia Day yet. Plus, I’ve heard rumors that Mass Effect 3 has been released already. And Diablo 3 apparently.

But first things first. Marcus needs to empty his backpack so he can get the hell away from Solitude. And Belrand.